I finally contacted him. The one man I think that can answer a few questions. The one man I feel just a little weird about. I had his phone number and email address. But being the chicken that I am, I decided to email him instead of call. To my surprise, he responded within minutes. He didn't even ask me how I found him (and I didn't offer that information).
His first few emails came quickly. A few of them were even cryptic, almost like he wasn't surprised at all that I initiated contact. When I said that I needed to ask him questions about my past, he suggested meeting and talking about those times. Perhaps he didn't believe I'd take him up on the offer, because when I told him I could meet him, he backed off. He said he found it very strange that I would want to meet him. That his memory isn't what it used to be. That his memory of me wasn't very significant. But that if I felt it was necessary, he'd oblige. After sending my response thanking him, saying it would mean a lot to me, nothing. I received absolutely no reply.
That shouldn't have surprised me. Everywhere I turn for answers, some roadblock always comes up.
I don't want to feel this way anymore.
I'm tired of it.
But then I think...am I not tired of living in the dark?