I'm not normal.
I probably was once.
Then something happened.
And every shred of normalcy vanished.
It isn't normal for someone to constantly question themselves.
It isn't normal for someone to continuously find reasons to live and keep going, only to say "I wanna die today".
It isn't normal for someone to have dreams, try to fulfill them, and then just give up.
For the last week, I've had no reason to be unhappy.
Somehow, I found a reason.
It just crept up on me.
I have so many ideas, so many things I want to do.
I get so excited about them, only to tell myself to forget it, that no one will ever care, that no one will ever give a damn.
Last night, I felt as though I was convulsing.
I felt a heaviness in my chest.
I felt as though I was being hurt, although I felt no pain.
I don't know what that means; it was scary, it lasted about two minutes, I felt like someone's hands were on me.
I hope it's something, some door that's opening.
I hate myself.
I disappoint myself and everyone around me everyday.
I don't want to live.
I just can't do it.
I'd rather someone else did it for me.
I'm so tired.